


After Exegol

by EmorySkywalker



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Ahch-To, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Ben Solo Gets a Hug, Ben Solo Lives, Ben Solo Needs A Hug, F/M, Fix-It, Force Bond (Star Wars), Force Dyad (Star Wars), Literal Sleeping Together, Nightmares, Post-Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker, Redeemed Ben Solo, Rey Skywalker, The Force
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-01
Updated: 2020-06-01
Packaged: 2021-03-02 21:08:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 10,156
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24493273
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EmorySkywalker/pseuds/EmorySkywalker
Summary: Ben Solo did not die at the battle of Exegol, but reclaiming his old self is not that easy. After leaving the Sith planet, he and Rey are trying to figure out what being a dyad means now that they are both on the same side. We follow their journey into their new life that includes each other.  You, dear reader are in for lots of strong emotions and a lot of cutely awkward scenes between Ben and Rey. May the Force be with them! :)This is a fix-it fic, because I think TROS was great, but could have been better if Ben comes back to life after dying, so I'm fixing it for you, JJ. You're welcome.
Relationships: Kylo Ren/Rey, Rey & Ben Solo, Rey/Ben Solo, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 4
Kudos: 38





	1. Leaving Exegol

**Author's Note:**

> Hi guys!  
> This is my first ever fanfiction that I finished in basically two days (which didn't include much eating or sleeping), I was so into it.   
> I'm not that much into the technological part of SW, so I tried to look up stuff, but sometimes I just made up my own version of things, just go with it.  
> I hope you'll enjoy it! Happy reading, and make sure to leave a comment if you liked it!

It was hard to fit two people in the TIE whisper, expecially when one of them was almost 2 meters tall. Ben was exhausted, his life force hardly a spark, so both of them knew that it was Rey who will have to fly the ship. She helped him in and as soon as they were inside he just dropped panting, his back to the wall of the whisper. Rey sat in the driver's seat, took a deep breath and ignited.

She felt great. Even though her body was exhausted (after all, she had just died and had been brought back to life), she had the feeling of a job properly done. She was overjoyed. Both of them are alive, Palpatine is dead, there will be peace in the Galaxy, her friends will be safe. No more casualties. Also, she had just kissed him.

When she came back, the first thing she saw was him looking concerned, worried for her, even scared. She felt her heart race as she understood what had just happened - he gave her his life force. Then they kissed. She will never forget the moment afterwords, his smile, the way he looked at him, with all the caring in his heart, with relief and just sheer happiness. He was Ben Solo again. The lost that has been found, the prodigal son.

Then the next moment came and it burned into her memory as well. His smile faded, his face got whiter and the warmth of his body was leaving. He fell back dead, she could hardly catch him. She felt it in their bond that he was gone. Her heart filled with desperation, sorrow and helplessness.

They had this amazing oneness for like what? Half an hour? And now he's dead. Everything seemed to be in vain - they saved the Galaxy, but at what cost? The price was too high for her. She had finally found someone who understood her, truly understood her. Finn was like a big brother to her, who would always come and save her. Who would care for and watch out for her, but that relationship was never this deep, this intimate. These weren't conscious thoughts, rather a wave of emotions that just swept through her like a wave. Or rather like a tsunami. And left in the wake of all that were the sentences of Poe: "it was all for nothing. All we've done... All this time."

It was too much for her, so she tried to meditate the way Leia taught her. She took deep breaths, quieted her thoughts to feel the emotions but don't let them rule over her. She closed her tear-stained eyes and focused. She started to feel the presence of the Jedi who came before. But this time, it was different than before, they weren't in her, rather surrounding her, gently whispering. Then she felt something in the Force, some very strong movement around Ben. One or two minutes passed. She was staring at the dead body wishing that she would wake up from this horrible dream, but was also very aware of the jedi around them.

Then Ben's eyelids trembled and with what seemed like a huge effort on this part, he opened his eyes. She just couldn't have handled a false hope and she froze. Ben struggled to sit up but managed. He could probably sense the shock in her:

\- Rey?

His voice was very week, almost like a whisper, yet she felt that it was proof that the right order of the Galaxy had been restored. She didn't know who started it, but they reached for each other and hugged for what seemed like an eternity.

When they broke apart, they didn't say anything. The shields that both of them kept around their consciousness to protect their thoughts and feelings from the other had been lifted. They really were the two sides of the same thing. Two that are one. They could be in their own mind, if they wanted but also fully sense the other. The temple was falling apart, ships dropping from the sky - they needed to leave. And soon.

They were exhausted, their life force was hardly enough to keep them alive - they needed rest and probably a giant meal. Ben seemed to have a sprained, maybe broken ankle, probably a few broken ribs, and both were covered in the mixture of blood, sweat and dirt.

Rey helped Ben get up and walk towards the TIE whisper. It was a better ship with more space to fit them both. Ben was putting half of this weight on Rey, if they had seen themselves it probably would have made them smile - a tiny, slender girl supporting a giant. But they managed to board the ship and they were ready to take off: Rey buckled in the pilot's seat, and Ben just sitting on the floor, trying to keep his sprained angle in a painless position and rest. She will have to fly carefully to make sure she won't cause any more injuries to him.

The ship took off. Exegol looked like a wasteland full of trash and death. In the air, the ships of the resistance were cheerfully flying around, Rey could see cheering people in the windows of bigger ships. She broke out in a huge smile, too. Everything is going to be all right, she thought.

She took a peek at Ben on the floor, who seemed to have fallen asleep in a relaxed position (as far as one can be relaxed half-sitting, half-laying on the floor of a spaceship). She now desperately wanted to call Finn. It was going to be a hard conversation, and she was glad that Ben won't hear it.


	2. Arriving to Ahch-To

The TIE whisper was tuned in to the First Order frequency, so Rey tried to find the one where she could reach Finn. She wished BB8 was there to help her, but this thought just distracted her from the job at hand.

She turned the autopilot on, and after 10 minutes she finally found the right spot. She sensed that Finn was on the Millennium Falcon, so she went straight for them:

\- Hey Falcon!

She waited a second, and heard Chewbacca roar with glee.

\- Hey Chewie! Good to hear your voice, too!

Another roar from Chewie. And she heard a voice getting louder as Finn got closer to the communicator:

\- Rey? Is that Rey? Is that Rey?! Let me there! Hey, I wanna talk to her!! - his voice was so enthusiastic, so happy to hear her that Rey suddenly felt very guilty to have pushed him away with the Force in a pretty aggressive way on Kef Bir. - Rey, what has happened down there? I felt... I felt that you...

Rey had been suspecting for a while that Finn was force-sensitive, but now she was sure of it. With training, he could not only be able to feel things, but actually do things with the Force. She knew how his sentence would have ended, if he dared to say it out loud. Finn sensed her dying on Exegol, but he probably couldn't make sense of what happened afterwards. But this was not the time for Rey to tell this story.

\- I'm ok. It was pretty tough, but I got help... From the Jedi that came before. I want to tell you, Finn, and you all actually, what happened, but first I need to take care of something. I'm flying to Ahch-To to do... some stuff... I'm alright, really, just need to do this first. I will see you at Base in a few days. I can't wait to hug you!

Another noise form Chewie.

\- Yes, you too, Chewie, and everyone. We did it. We did it together.

There was a moment of hesitation, then Finn asked:

\- Rey, are you sure you're fine? You sound different. I could go with you whatever you need to take care of. Or Chewie or Poe... Maybe we could help... - he trailed off. He either felt it in her voice or through the Force that she wasn't entirely truthful. Rey hated lying to Finn, but she could imagine his reactions if she told him she planned to "take a vacation with Kylo Ren". He would probably feel betrayed, and he would be right to feel that. Kylo was the symbol of everything they fought against. He was the embodiment of suppression and genocide. But that was Kylo Ren. That was not Ben, and Rey knew that it needed a longer explanation.

It was hard to hide the truth from Finn, but she didn't have the energy to have this talk right now:

\- Finn - said with all her love in her voice - I know, you would help me any way you could, and thank you for that. But this is something I need to do alone. So I will see you soon. Bye.

She turned off the communicator before Finn could answer. A tear slipped out of her eye, which she quickly wiped away. Finn was the family she never had, and she hated how this situation would affect him.

She heard some noise, so he looked at Ben Solo, expecting him to be still asleep, but apparently he either woke up or had never been asleep, because he was now observing Rey, which made her very uncomfortable. She didn't want to feel that, so she opened her mouth to explain:

\- You heard...

\- Yes. We're going to Ahch-To - then he paused. Rey could feel him tense up and his face as well as his voice was all emotionless like when he was Kylo Ren. - Am I your prisoner?

Rey tried to follow his thoughts, but Ben's mind was shielded once again, so she had to ask him:

\- Prisoner...? What do you mean?

\- We have one ship. You're flying it and it seems you have decided where we are going. You also forgot to mention to your friends that I'm here with you. Do you personally want to do justice to me? Am I your prisoner? Or will you eventually take me back to the Resistance Base and trial me for my war crimes? AM I your prisoner? - he didn't raise his voice, but the way he spoke was aggressive, almost demanding. It reminded Rey of the time when Kylo Ren interrogated her and said that he could take whatever he wanted and it wasn't a nice memory to be reminded of.

She wanted to cry, because after all they've been through together, after all the time he spent in her mind, he still thought she wanted to hurt him - when she wanted just the opposite.

\- You're such an idiot! - said Rey and shoved all her feelings towards him pressing them through his guard. Her relief of both of them being alive, her joy over him being Ben instead of Kylo Ren, her longing for rest without complications (like explaining Finn and Poe what had happened and why she would never allow the Resistance to hurt Ben), her craving that oneness they experienced together in the force on Exegol without mind games, tricks and trying to turn each other.

Ben seemed be surprised by the power she broke through his mental shield or maybe by her thoughts. He went through her feelings methodically and tried to make sense of each of them. It took him a few minutes before he said another thing:

\- Ahch-To is fine - and he dozed off, this time for real.

Rey must have been hypnotized by space and by her thoughts, because she couldn't really tell how long it took to get to Ahch-To. It could have been hours or just a few minutes. She was careful not to do any crazy maneuvers, not to wake up Ben, and she landed the ship as lightly as possible.

She was more than tired and tried not to think of the stairs that lead up to the huts, and that she will not only have to go up there, but also help Ben. She must have zoned out for a bit, because when she turned to Ben, he already stood behind her. She got up from her seat and for a few seconds, she didn't know what to do.

Rey felt very self-conscious. She had hands that usually did something, but she had no idea what. She wanted this situation to be over as soon as possible. She thought Ben rather seemed to be amused by her, which made her even more uncomfortable. In reality, he was just as lost as she was, but he found the words first:

\- Help me? - and reached out towards Rey.

She again felt so tiny next to Ben, as he put his hand around her shoulders, and she tried to support him by the waist. Getting out of the ship was like a slap on the face. It was numbing cold, foggy and raining. Rey nodded towards the steps:

\- Up there.

She didn't want to talk, nor did she want to know what he was thinking, because she was afraid what she would find. So they were just walking the stairs in quiet.


	3. Settling in

As they reached higher on the hill, a cold wind joined the rain. Rey felt his limbs go numb, and realized that even though Ben was really heavy on her shoulders, his body was warm and that made her want to be closer to him. She looked up to him, and caught a little fading smile in the corner of his mouth, but he didn't say anything.

They finally reached the huts in what seemed like an eternity. Rey led them straight to the one where she stayed when she was training with Luke. It was the one, where Kylo Ren and her were touching hands in a different life. She helped him sit down on the bed, and tried to think what needed to be done: fire, dry clothes, food, blankets. Probably in this order, so she started to make a fire in the middle of the hut with Leia's saber.

When she was done, she moved to the next thing: dry clothes. She was sure Luke had clothes somewhere, and a food storage, so she was going to search the other huts. She was so into his thoughts, that she almost forgot about Ben, who was lying on the bed, and looked confused when she turned toward the exit:

\- Where are you going?

\- Uhh, I was gonna scavange some dry clothes and food. Luke probably had some extra.

Ben's eyes grew as he realized where they were, but he didn't say anything, just nodded.

Luke was a very organized person, so she quickly found some robes, pants and other clothing and she was right about the food, too. His late master had a pantry, and it almost looked like it was waiting for them, because it was full of biscuits, dried fruit, nuts and other things. She quickly grabbed a few things, and ran back to her hut. Ben's hut - she corrected herself. He probably had fallen asleep, because when she entered he just opened his eyes looking confused.

Rey tossed some dry clothes at the end of his bed not looking at him. She knew that changing clothes should be addressed somehow, but she didn't have the words. She was only 20 years old and never really lived with a guy. Not that this was living together. They were to be here for a few days. In the same village or whatever this place was, but different huts.

She tried to act natural, but she knew that Ben was watching her. She started to open the jars she brought from Luke's pantry. When she was ready, she looked back at Ben. He didn't look away, but asked:

\- Maybe changing before eating? I'm cold.

\- Ok, I'll go to the other hut - said Rey.

\- You don't have to, it's raining, kind of the point of changing is to be in dry clothes. It's fine for me if you just turn away - she didn't anticipated that answer, so quickly searched for a proper answer, but nothing came to mind:

\- I don't mind - she basically started to run towards to door, when she realized something, and compassion had always ruled over fear in her life, so she added - unless you need help... - she felt her cheeks going red - I mean with your foot and ribs and you know. - She tried to sound casual with little success.

They apparently had a silent agreement that they don't go into each other minds, though Rey would have found it interesting that while Ben said: That's fine! I'll figure it out - what he thought was: "I would love that, but you probably wouldn't, so no.

So she left and went to the other hut to change. Luke's robes were quite bigger than her. She felt as a child trying on her parents' clothes. When she was done, she made another fire in this hut as well, and made herself something that might be called a bed. When she thought that enough time passed for Ben to have changed, she ran back, but made sure to knock before she entered.

He looked up and seemed surprised. He was sitting on the floor closer to the fire, his sprained leg stretched out, and he was eating.

\- I thought you wouldn't come back - said Ben apologetically. Rey couldn't decide if he meant tonight or he anticipated her to have left forever.

He looked different in light colors. She has never seen him in anything but black, and this was a nice change. He also looked a lot more relaxed and Rey had to admit, he looked like an actual Jedi. Someone who has a good heart and is ready to make the world better. She liked what she saw.

\- I came back for the food - answered smiling.

This was a safe answer, and as she said it, she sat down far from him, but close enough that she could reach the food. They ate silently, both of them deep in their own thoughts, careful enough, not to let anything slip through their bond.


	4. A nightmare

After eating, Rey went to sleep in her own hut. It was probably around midnight, when Ben woke up. Something bothered him, but he couldn't put his finger on what is was, so he tried to sleep back, but he felt it again. It was like a tug around his heart.

He tried to do some meditating as Luke had taught him back in the day. It was hard at first, but it was easy to slip back into this old practice. Deep breaths, focus, and just letting the force go through him.

It felt so natural, so good, that he almost forgot why he was doing it in the first place. But then there it was again... it was Rey! He was so used to close his mind, hiding even from himself all the time that when he went to sleep, he did it unconsciously, and now it dawned on him, that Rey was in trouble.

He had no idea what was wrong, he just felt her panic, sorrow and desperation. He ran for the door as fast as his injured foot let him, then had to stop for a second to figure out which hut to go to, but the Force guided him, he felt her troubled presence from a neighboring hut. He hurried there, ignited his borrowed lightsaber and tore the door open.

Everything looked calm. The fire burned out, but it was still giving some warmth. He looked around by the blue light of the saber, but couldn't see anything dangerous. There was a tiny porg in one of the corners - it looked like Rey made a little nest for him, but the porg was asleep, and didn't look dangerous anyways.

He finally looked at Rey. She was laying on her side, facing the fire. Tears flew from her eyes. She was shaking and mumbling something. She looked to be in so much pain, she must have been having a nightmare - that was what he felt. She limped to her bed (which made him want to switch huts with her, as he was sleeping on an actual bed, while Rey's was something, not everybody would consider a bed), sat down on the edge of it, and gently put his hand on her arm.

\- Rey, wake up! - Nothing happened.

He felt the panic increase in her, so he tried again louder and shook her gently. Even though it was only half a minute, it seemed a lot longer to Ben. When she finally woke up, Rey gasped for air and sat up. As she saw Ben next to her, she realized that what she experienced had been a nightmare and instantly reached out to pull him in for a hug of relief, and started crying uncontrollably.

It took him off guard, and hugged her back. He had no idea when was the last time someone hugged him other than Rey on Exegol. Maybe his mother, when he was 4 or 5? It was such a comforting thing that he automatically opened his side of their bond, and he felt Rey doing the same.

For a few seconds they let their feelings and thoughts flow freely between them. It was like on Exegol, when Ben let Rey know that he was there, and he was there with her, for her. But this time, nobody wanted to kill them, and the intensity of the whole thing was so much higher. All the things that they held back from each other, now flooded their bond.

Ben saw that Rey had dreamed of Exegol. He saw quick images of himself, one where he was saying that he betrayed her. His eyes were red, and claimed himself Kylo Ren. In another one, Palpatine threw him into the abyss. Then a flash of another picture of him being dead in Rey's arms, and she's helpless, unable to help, just looking at his dead body, panicking.

It was an exchange, and Rey's mind was also receiving a lot of tangled thoughts and emotions from Ben. He was honestly afraid that tomorrow she would just fly away and leave him. He felt lonely. He thought that he should never be forgiven for what he did. He grieved his father and his mother, and he was mad at himself. His guilt was almost overwhelming for her to bear. He was also surprised that losing him was the center of Rey's nightmares.

As they just sat there embracing, Ben automatically started to stroke Rey's hair and her back, just as his mom did when he was a kid and cried for something. He felt, he needed to say something, and he said partly to comfort her, partly to quiet down his own loud emotions:

\- Hey, I'm here. Rey, I'm here, it's fine. I'm Ben and I'm here with you and I'm not going to let anybody hurt you. You're safe, Rey. Safe with me. Ok? You understand? You're ok and I'm ok. We are both ok. You hear me?

They were embracing for long minutes, then Rey's sobs started to quiet down, and both of them felt like a huge rock has been lifted from their chest.

\- Can we be always like this? - Rey asked. And both of them knew what she meant: having their force bond a source of strength, not weakness. Having comfort in someone that fully understands you. Sharing their vulnerabilities. Being there. Always. - Ben nodded, still not letting her go.

When they broke out of the hug, he was again at a loss of words. He wanted to go back to his hut to think about what had just happened, but he wanted to stay close to her more, and not think, just be with her. He thought that it would make her uncomfortable, so he motioned towards the door:

\- I'll go back to my hut. I'llbe there if you need me. Or anything. You know.

He stood up, when she grabbed his hand:

\- Can't you stay here with me? - and after a short pause she added. - Please?


	5. "You are mad at me"

It was around midday when Rey woke up. She opened her eyes and could see the little porg walking around the hut looking for foodcrumbs. She felt another body next to her. It all came back to her. Last night she was having a nightmare, a series of nightmares, which was no wonder after what she had gone through.

Ben came over and they had the most amazing... conversation? Force-sharing? She didn't even know how to label it. It was a deep-deep connection she had never experienced before. It could have been scary but she felt safe like never before. It was like being home.

When he wanted to go back to his hut, she didn't want him to leave, so he stayed.

She had never shared her bed with anyone, she was a bit nervous. They made the bed wider. It wasn't really a bed, more of blankets and clothes on each other to make the floor softer.

She sat down and he sat next to her.

\- Okay - Ben said - so now... we sleep.

\- Right. You sleep next to the wall.

He lay down next to the wall, making sure not to move his injured leg more than necessary. Rey pulled the blanket over them and rolled over to her side turning away from him. She felt his body next to hers, and it was nice. It was safe. She heard him roll to his side as well, and then she felt his right arm around her.

\- Is this ok? - he asked, also searching her thoughts.

She sent a yes through their bond and quickly fell into a dreamless slumber.

This memory made her smile and when she woke up she noticed that Ben's heavy arm was still on her torso. Carefully moved it to be able to get up. She was very hungry, so went outside, stretched and set out to catch some fish and milked the thala-sirens.

An hour later, a huge fish was roasting above a happy fire on the open air. She filled 4 bottles with the green milk of the sirens. She also found some nice berries to make a sauce for the fish. It was a huge portion of food, probably enough for 10 people, but she was starving and ate a lot.

Rey imagined Ben to be someone who eats a lot, too. Both of them lead a very active life with a lot of movement and that makes people hungry. Rey could almost eat a whole chicken after a hard day of Jedi training, and well, Ben was a tall man with a lost of muscle, who was also recovering from dying.

She left the left-overs around the fire, so when Ben would got up, he could eat. Till then, she would send a transmission to the Resistance. To Finn and to Poe. To her friends.

Rey felt energetic as she walked down the steps to the TIE whisper. It was a dark, menacing ship designed by Kylo Ren, but now, it looked harmless in the sunshine. Also, it was the thing that was going to help her get in touch with her friends. Her plan was to send a holo transmission and then maybe he could receive an answer later that day.

She wanted to record a message, starting that it is only for Finn, Poe and Chewie to listen to. She trusted the resistance fighters, but what she was about to tell them, needed a lot of understanding and trust in her.

Sitting in the pilot's chair, Rey took a deep breath and pressed the record button.

It was hard to start, but she wanted his friends to fully understand what had happened. She started with Kef Bir, where they parted. She told them about her dark self, about the fight with Kylo Ren, and how she stabbed him without thinking. She tried to imagine what their reactions would be and could only hope that they still trusted her. She apologized to Finn for pushing him away during the fight, when he wanted to help.

As her tale was getting towards the end, she felt herself getting nervous, but she went on nonetheless, until she was at the part where both Ben and her were alive, but Palpatine wasn't. She very conveniently left out the part where they kissed.

The part where she decided to go to Ahch-To was the hardest, because she had to confess lying to Finn and having Ben with him. She was careful how to put her thoughts into words, because they might have a huge effect later on how Ben's life will turn out. She said that she had plans of returning tomorrow, and was looking forward to an answer. Not mentioning what will happen to Ben seemed like a good idea, as she had no idea about it, and it was also something she did not want to think about.

As she was NOT thinking about what the future might hold for a person named Ben Solo, he just showed up in front of the ship's window. She waved, and he smiled back at her. He had smiled only once since Rey knew him, so Rey treasured these moments, because his smile made him think of sunshine after a rainy day. As she was walking around the shop, she sent him a thought through their force connection:

\- Why did you come down here? You should rest your foot.

\- I just wanted to check on you - came the answer.

Rey didn't need to touch their bond to know what he was checking.

\- You mean you wanted to check if I'm still here.

\- No! I mean... ok, yes, I wanted to see if you are still here. You are! Great! So see you up there - he sounded like a kid who got caught redhanded stealing candy. He turned away and started to climb the stairs.

\- Ben! Wait, it's fine. I won't leave here without you, ok?! Unless you want me to leave you here - she reached him and said this out loud.

He looked miserable for a second, then he put on his mask of emotionlessness.

\- I heard you sending a transmission. What did you tell them? Your friends?

\- Ben, can you just stop for a second? Just told them what happened. That you saved me. That you turned. That we are here.

Ben kept limping up the steps, and he seemed mad:

\- Then we won't be here for long. A few hours and they'll be here to rescue you from the bad, bad Kylo Ren.

\- Ben, can you stop for heaven's sake? - she was getting really annoyed. - I told them I'm fine, and I'm figuring out what's next and that under no circumstances should they come here, as this is sacred Jedi ground. I also told them, I'm going home tomorrow.

\- Tomorrow? And me? What about me? - now he looked even madder.

\- I was going to go back and discuss it with you, but you came down and now you're running away, and you are being mad at me for things you have no idea about. You are behaving like a child! I know you're hurt and in pain, but just for this once, can you let me help you?

This had the effect of stopping Ben, who turned around and looked at her with eyes that seemed to be able to cast lightning.

\- I don't need your help - and he went on.

They didn't talk for the rest of the day. Rey felt bad and tried to start conversation several times, even through their bond, but Ben pushed her away.

It was dark, when they were sitting around the dying fire, not talking. Rey had enough, stood up and was ready to go to sleep:

\- All right, I'm going to bed, good night. I hope we can talk about this tomorrow.

No answer. She went straight to bed, but heard Ben walking up and down. She couldn't decide if he was stomping on purpose or that was just the way he walked. Her mind was running in circles and didn't let her fall asleep, she was just tossing and turning, when she heard Ben enter the hut.

\- Rey? - whispered. - Rey?

\- Yes?

\- Can I sleep here again? - he sounded indifferent, as if he didn't care, but it this was the case why would he even bother to ask.

\- I would like that.

He slipped under the blanket and was very careful not to accidentally touch her and made sure they are far from each other. A few minutes passed before either of them broke the silence:

\- Are you mad at me? - asked Ben.

\- Me? No. You are mad at me.

\- I'm not mad at you.

They were both laying on their backs staring at the roof until they fell asleep.


	6. The choice

Rey woke up when it was still dark. She needed a minute to remember where she was, who the person next to her was, and how he got there. Her heart was heavy because of their fight, but she felt she did everything in her power to resolve it. She didn't really know what was there to resolve, because Ben completely shut her out.

She felt her thoughts running around in circles and thought that some fresh air would help her calm down. This time she was closer to the wall so it was difficult to get out of the bed without waking Ben, but she managed. She was about to turn towards the door, but she felt the Force guiding her back to Ben.

There was hardly any lights, but she could make out Ben's head. She sit down on the floor in front of him, and really wanted to touch his face. Slowly reached out and she could feel tears running down his face. His eyes opened, he wasn't asleep. It seems pretending to be asleep was his secret force power.

He put his hand over hers. Moments passed without any of them saying anything. Rey tried to touch there force connection if he is maybe ready to share something with her there, but she was cut off.

\- Yesterday, you told me... you promised me that we would stay like that. Not shutting each other off... Please - he heard Rey whisper, but he couldn't. He just couldn't let her see all those fears, insecurities and caring for her.

Rey waited patiently stroking his face, his hair. A few minutes later Ben said all he could:

\- I don't want you to leave... me. I was so lonely, and I know I don't... I don't deserve it. You should be happy with your friends, saving the galaxy. Leaving me here would be the best idea. I deserve it. Actually, I deserve worse. A lot worse. I'm a criminal and you're the savior of the galaxy. But I can't help wanting to be with you. And never leave you.

Then he was finally ready to share more with Rey without words - he opened their connection and a wave of emotions swept over her - she couldn't imagine having to keep this much to herself and not explode. He had been internally conflicted ever since she knew him, and now he wanted two completely different things at the same time as well.

One thing was atonement. To officially plead guilty of what he'd done and to be properly punished for his crimes. And to try to fix what was still fixable. In his mind, he deserved the worst punishment, and that was Rey taken away from him forever. At the same time, not having his connection with Rey scared the shit out of him. He was craving her understanding, her kind and compassionate soul, her whole person, he genuinely thought that taking that from him would kill him. He also thought that he wanted to protect her, shield her from everything that might hurt her, even if it meant giving his life. Which was what he did on Exegol.

Rey wanted to help Ben so bad, and make sure he knows how important he is to her. She slowly leaned closer, saw Ben's eyes grow bigger and she kissed him slowly but strongly, sending everything she felt for him through their bond.

\- Ben, I would never leave you, never send you away. I will stay with you, if you want me.

She felt the turn in his emotions and he smiled again.

\- Just please, don't keep to yourself. Don't keep it from me! Ok? Tell me what's going on, and I'll tell you what's going on with me. This is how this is going to work. And now, let's sleep, because tomorrow we have a lot to do. Scooch down.

She could hardly see his face, but felt his heavy heart lift. He moved towards the wall to make space for her, still on his side. She slipped under the blanket facing Ben, and felt very daring.

She put her hand on his chest, that made him jump a bit in surprise. He was confused, then he sensed Rey's warm life force flowing into him, healing his ribs and his injured foot. He looked at her, but her eyes were closed in concentration. He took her hand into his, still facing her and that's how they fell asleep.

\------

This time they woke up around the same time in the morning, Ben seemed to be in a cheery mood - he got rid of his limping and painful ribs, and that obviously made him happy. Both of them knew that they had to address what they talked about last night, but neither of them knew how to start:

\- Rey, ...

\- Ben, ...

They started to talk at the same time.

\- You first - this time Ben was faster -, you start.

\- Ok, so I didn't tell anything to the Resistance about your plans. Because I didn't know them. You are free to go wherever you want. I can drop you off before I go home, but I have to go back today. I have to see my friends and discuss what's next for the Resistance. I belong there, they are my family.

Ben took out his usual pokerface:  
  
\- All right.

\- All right, what? Where do you want to go? Do you want to stay here? I can come back here after things clear up. Is this what you want? Talk to me. Or show me how you feel.

He opened his thoughts to her. It was pretty easy: he wanted to go with her.

Rey couldn't decide if she was more relieved, surprised or scared. It didn't seem possible to have this many emotions at the same time on the level she was feeling them:

\- But you can't! Ben, you can't come to the resistance! They would kill you, they would execute you for your crimes. Or they would lock up up forever. Or send you in exile forever. You can't do that. You can't, do you understand?! You're NOT coming! I'm not going to see you die! Not again! - she was yelling at him. The intensity of her outburst surprised both of them, and some porgs, who were now flapping their wings trying to get further away from them.

\- Rey, - his voice was calm and quiet, almost apologizing, like when you explain a child why he cannot put his hand into the fire -, I can and I will. I don't want to live my life hiding from justice, fearing when they find me. I know it's impossible, but I want to try to right my wrongs. I might be able to help the Resistance with information, or help some other way. I do deserve punishment and I'm not a coward to run from it. I'm going with you whatever that will bring. Besides, as I remember, yesterday you said that you will not leave me, so just don't.

His monologue rendered her speechless, he must have practiced it.

\- Well, it's settled then, I guess - she said a minute later. - I'll send another transmission that you're coming with me.

\-----

Rey was reaching the TIE whisper with a heavy heart. She didn't know what was ahead of them, but the future definitely didn't look happy. A red light was blinking on the dashboard, indicating she got a message. It was just a voice clip from Poe - saying that they will be waiting for her. As she listened to it, she could hear some background noise, which reminded him of Finn, so she pushed some buttons until the computer could make the noise louder and eliminate what Poe said. It was Finn, yelling:

\- Was she out of her mind?! What if he's manipulating her? She didn't say what he is up to!! Is that because he was standing behind her with that horrible, ugly red saber of his?? Poe, you can't...

Well, at least she now knows how Finn feels... She took a deep breath and recorded a voice clip as well. These traveled faster through space than holo, and she didn't have a lot of time.

\- Hey guys! Finn and Poe, this is for them. I will arrive around sunset tonight. I'll be piloting the TIE whisper I stole from Ren, but I set it to send you the resistance transmission code, so you could recognize me. I'm soooo looking forward to see you all again. - she took a short pause, because now came the most difficult part of her message - Ben is coming with me. Finn, please, pleeeeease, don't flip out. He's not manipulating me, he's just... He just wants to do what's right. He did turn, he is not Kylo Ren anymore, he's Ben. Ben Solo. The son of Leia and Han. Please, trust me!

Well, she did it! Pressed the send button and her message was on its way to her friends.


	7. Meeting the Resistance

They were in hyperspace for over an hour. Rey dropped them out of it when they got close to Ajan Kloss. She tried to reach the Base:

\- Hey Resistance, it's Rey, do you copy?

It was Rose's comforting voice that welcomed her:

\- We copy, welcome back!! Hey Rey, could you please land somewhere differently this time? We made a clearing about a 100 meters away from the main square for you. Just so... you know, not to cause panic - Rey could hear her breathing as Rose probably got closer to the communicator to whisper - some of us are already panicking, not me, but I think you know who I'm talking about... - Rey knew she was talking about Finn. After a short pause, Rose asked - is _he_ really with you?

\- Yeah, Ben is with me. He is also not standing behind me holding his horrible, ugly red saber of his. Rose, he's fine. Honestly... Anyways, I'll be there in 15 minutes. Will you come greet me?

\- You bet! See you soon!

They both closed the communication channel.

\- Why were you whispering? - asked Ben from the floor where he was sitting again. - Also, thank you for thinking I'm fine. I'm not. I think I am about to throw up.

\- Oh, she was whispering so I automatically whispered back... Hey, it will be fine. I'm not going to let anybody hurt you. Just please don't throw up, this is a nice ship.

\- Like what will you do exactly if someone attacks me?! Get them with your lightsaber? Or push them away with the Force? We both know, you wouldn't to that. Especially not with this Finn guy... Except I just remembered that you did that to him. Anyways, I don't think you should hurt them protecting me.

Pushing Finn away, even if it was for his own protection still made her feel guilty. She had no idea what she should do, but she decided to let the Force guide her in case something happened.

\----------

The TIE whisper landed softly like a leaf on the ground. Ben looked whiter than usual, and that now he was wearing his black clothes again didn't help either. Before they left Ahch-To, they decided black was not ideal, but was still better than wearing Jedi robes that would make some think that he was mocking the Jedi order.

Poe and Rose were waiting for them at this special landing area, Rey couldn't wait to hug them, but before they left the craft, she had some last minute instructions to Ben:

\- OK, so try not to look that tall, it might be scary. Please, please, be nice, but not that emotionless thing you do! You know, be a human or humanistic at least. Also, let me into your mind, don't lock me out! Now, let's go!

She wanted to run towards her friends, but didn't want to leave Ben behind. It seemed a lifetime until they reached each other. She first hugged Poe, then Rose. It was so nice, she was glad they were both ok. It hurt her that Finn didn't come and greet her, but he probably had something else to do but she asked anyway:

\- Where is Finn?

Rose looked at her apologically:

\- Sorry, Finn didn't want to meet... him. - she nodded towards Ben, who was standing a few steps behind Rey, not wanting to interfere with their reunion. He was a lot taller than all of them, and now it started to make sense to him why Rey wanted him not to look that tall.

Rey introduced them to each other and they all looked at Ben, which made him uncomfortable. He used to be a leader of thousands, and he never had a care in this heart of what those people thought of him. Now, here there were these friends of Rey, and he desperately wanted to make a good impression.

Even if it was late for that, as he remembered that Poe was in his interrogation chamber, and he was trying to get the location of Luke's hiding place, and it wasn't exactly a party. He thought him a fun guy. In a way, he reminded Ben of his father. Except that this Poe looked a lot more responsible. He fortunately never met Rose before, he thought she had smiling, kind eyes and he liked her instantly.

He stepped next to Rey, made an awkward waving motion and said hi. He fought the urge to want to shake hands, because he was afraid of the embarrassment of them not taking his hand. Rey could feel him trying hard to be nice, but he wasn't sure what was expected of him, so Rey took the matter into her hands:

\- OK, so what is... you know, how is this going to be... with Ben?

Poe finally seemed to get his cue and started to explain what they had come up with:

\- We discussed the situation with Finn and the other leadership people and we trust you, Rey. We started to build a village here, so we moved you to an actual room. Ben... - it seemed the name came hard on this lips - he will be in the room neighboring yours. If this is all right? - Rey nodded, so Poe went on. - He can walk around camp, but cannot leave, and cannot hold a weapon either. We made a tracker, which will monitor his movement, and in case it experiences any unusual activity, like leaving camp, it will notify Finn and me. These are the rules for now. This was pretty last minute so we'll figure out the rest later. The tracker... may I?

This was the first time, he directly talked to Ben. Poe looked straight into his eyes, searching for signs of trouble, and he seemed to find none.

The tracker was the kind that you inject into the person's wrist, and can be only taken out with a special device. Poe looked down, because he needed Ben's wrist, and now was surprised to see that his left hand was holding Rey's. He looked up to Ben in a surprise, but didn't say anything, so Ben asked:

\- Something's wrong?

\- No, nothing... just it's going to sting - and he injected the tracker into his right hand .

As they were walking towards camp, Ben wondered weather she took his hand or he hers, and when it happened at all, but couldn't remember. Now they were holding hands and she let her friends see that. It was reassuring, but he wasn't sure what it meant.

They got shown their quarters and Rey pointed out the main points of the place. Rey wanted to say hi to her friends, and wanted Ben to join him, but it didn't seem a good idea to him. Instead, he just walked around the forest, making sure not to leave it too far behind. On his way back, he met a little happy droid fellow who rolled next to him asking him all kinds of questions.

That is how Rey found Ben and BB8 at the edge of camp a few hours later.


	8. Tracker trouble

\- I see you met BB8. I didn't know you knew binary. You are full of surprises, Ben Solo!

Rey brought food from the dining room, so Ben didn't have to eat there with everybody. They were at the edge of the forest sitting on a big rock. They discussed the base, Rey was telling him all about her friends, and memories that she had there. They were enjoying the force bond that connected them. It was how it should always have been.

After dinner, they both retired to their respective rooms to sleep. Finally decent beds, yet, Rey couldn't fall asleep. Her mind was racing around Finn and how he will ever forgive her. She was thinking what she could have done differently, but nothing came to mind. It was probably past midnight, when she heard a quiet knock on the door. She felt it was Ben so got up, opened the door and there he was, holding a pillow, in the most surreal clothes she could ever imagine. she could hardly hold back her laughter. She managed to reduce it to a wide smirk.

\- Please don't look at me! I look ridiculous, but this is what I got for sleeping. I'm almost sure it was specifically picked out for me by your friend Finn. Will you let me in?

\- Sure - she invited him inside, still fighting with the laughing -, is everything ok?

He walked in confidently, and surprisingly, even in those idiotic clothes, he looked rather good and confident. Rey now noticed his handsome face, his muscly arms, and couldn't just hear what he said for a while:

\- Ohm, what? - she asked, and putting her thoughts into a box tossing it in the back of her mind, where he would not find them.

\- I just said that I came to sleep. I thought... Never mind, I was wrong, I'll leave, sorry - Rey needed to pull herself together to see what he wanted, and she caught his arm before he could have left:

\- No, I'm sorry, I just had my thoughts elsewhere, please sleep here. Also, look at this! I got a double bed, I guess this is what you get for saving the galaxy. Did you get one, too? You kind of saved the galaxy, too.

\- Yeah, after trying to conquer and rule it. And no, I just have a normal one-person bed. And that is the reason I came over.

Rey looked at him in disbelief.

\- No, I'm just kidding, I came over because of you. I missed you.

He had never said anything like that to her before, and now both of them were startled. She cleared her throat, and he started talking:

\- So you were saying you were thinking about...?

They both headed to the bed, and Rey started to tell him about Finn, and how helpless she felt about the situation. Ben was listening attentively, asked a question or two and used their bond to see how she felt. They were sitting in the dark, both curled up under the blanket facing each other.

\- Hey, you know, I think you are a great friend. Finn is lucky to have you, and I'm sure that he will come around. You did nothing wrong, hon. I'm sure he doesn't want to lose you. You went through so much together.

Ben noticed in the middle of his sentence that he accidentally called Rey hon. Did she notice it? DID SHE NOTICE IT? He just went on as nothing had happened hoping she didn't hear it, or heard something else instead of it. (Though he couldn't think of any word that sounds like hon.)

Silence fell, and the longer it stretched, the surer he became that she heard it.

\- Did you just call me hon?

\- Me? No, I did not!

\- That's fine. You can call me that. Thank you for listening to me.

Nothing else needed to be said.

\---------

A few hours later, they were fast asleep, when it happened. Ben probably sensed it a second earlier, because he was the one who used their connection to call out to Rey, while attacking the intruder. Someone broke into the room with a loud scream, but Ben pulled the blaster out of the hands of the attacker with the Force and pushed the front wall on him or her.

Now, he was holding the blaster pointing where he suspected the attacker. In the meanwhile, Rey grabbed and ignited her lightsaber, and tried to move away from Ben's back, who shielded her with his own body.

They slowly advanced toward the person under the debris of the wall. Rey looked at Ben telling him that she's going to check out who it is if he covers her with the blaster. She moved a few bigger rocks with her hands, until she found the attacker. It was Finn.

\- Ben, it's Finn, he's not conscious! But the blaster away and help me, he's hardly breathing!! - she was screaming.

And she started to dig him out in panic. People who were woken up by the noise, started to flood the hall and were trying to figure out what was going on. Rey was digging with little result, but then she heard his voice in her head:

\- Rey, focus! Step back, I'm going to get him out.

She was in a state of shock, and all she could do was follow orders. She did what the voice had told her. She stepped back, not aware of the people staring at them, but could see that the remains of the wall start to lift up and move. Finn was unconscious underneath.

She closed the distance between them and knelt down to him and tried to wake him.

\- Finn?! Finn, please come back to me! - She was sobbing, and living through another nightmare in hers, except that this was real. She couldn't lose Finn, not like this. Not when he's mad at her. Not when they couldn't celebrate their victory yet. Not when they didn't have the chance to talk about his force-sensitivity!

She was in so much pain that she didn't even notice the other figure on the other side of Finn. Ben put his hand on Finn's chest and started to give him from his life-force.

Half a minute passed, when he finally regained consciousness. People around saw that everything was going to be ok, so they went back to their rooms.

When Finn opened his eyes, she hugged him as tight as she could without causing him pain:

\- Don't you dare doing this to me again, you idiot! I'm not allowing you to die for a very long time. Do you understand me? Cause if you do I'm going to come and kill you - Rey was smiling through her tears.

\- It's nice to see you, too - answered Finn.

His injuries didn't heal completely, and he needed to be taken to the infirmary. They left the mess behind, and Rey and Ben supported him from each side. After a few meters it seemed that Finn's original mission came back to him, because he started to explain to Rey, not even noticing that the person on his right was Ben:

\- Rey, I went to your room, because the tracker signaled that something was not OK. It showed Ren in your room. I wanted to warn you that he is up to something. Or save you, in case, you know, you needed saving.

Ben answered:

\- I was in her room. You caught me in the act of sleeping. It probably endangered Rey - he sounded mocking.

Now, Finn noticed him, and like when you realize that a wasp is about to sting you, he shook his whole right side to get rid of him, which almost made Rey collapse from the sudden heaviness on her side.

\- Finn, please! - she moaned.

Now, Finn looked at her with disbelief in his eyes:

\- You're fraternizing with the enemy. You are sleeping with Kylo Ren!

\- Don't call me that. I'm not him anymore - interrupted Ben.

\- Or what...? What will you do if I call you Kylo Ren, Kylo Ren?

Ben shrugged:

\- Nothing, I just prefer not to be called like that.

Rey was so proud of him. She was sure that a few days ago, a comment like this would have sent his over the edge, and he might even have hit Finn. But this time, he just let it go. A smile crept up her face at the thought of this, and Finn misinterpreted her expression:

\- What are you smiling at? Rey, this is not funny! I wanted to save you and this is how I have to find out that you're sleeping with him.

\- I wasn't sleeping with him. I mean, I was. Sleeping. We were sleeping. Together in the same bed. But not like, you know, _sleeping_ with him - she felt her cheeks blush.

\- And even if she was _sleeping_ with me, that would be none of your business - added Ben.

Rey shouted at him through their bond, feeling pretty uncomfortable:

\- You're not helping, Ben!

And it definitely didn't help, because Finn now thought that she was lying:

\- So you do _sleep_ with him.

In the meanwhile, they reached the infirmary where a nurse was on duty. Rey helped Finn sit down on a chair before she let him know what she thought very loudly:

\- That's not what he said and that's not what happened. But I don't understand why I'm trying to convince you, when you obviously don't hear what I'm saying! You know what I went through, you were there for the most of it, but it was even worse on Exegol. I cannot sleep, because I have nightmares every single night since we were on Takanada. Except when Ben is there. That's the only way I can properly rest. So stop this judgemental attitude and sometimes think before you speak! Or before you act!  
I hope you will get better soon, because I feel awful for you. I still love you, and I want to work this out but it's the middle of the night and I'm not having this right now - she shouted.

She turned and left. Both of them stared at her back as she was fast-walking. Ben had never seen her this passionate, and he didn't know what to think of it. He stayed there for another second, and before he left he felt he needed to say something to Finn:

\- Hey, sorry for collapsing the wall on you. Hope you'll get better for tomorrow. Night!

By the time, he got back, Rey seemed to have been rebuilt the wall. It looked different than before but it was a functioning wall.

This time, he didn't knock, just entered and saw Rey curled up in bed. She looked up when he entered, but didn't say anything.

\- You never told me about the nightmares - he claimed as he went towards the bed - I thought it was just a one time thing.

\- You never asked. And it's fine. I can handle them.

\- You said that I'm not to keep stuff for myself, then why do you? - he asked gently. - Anyways, I'm glad I make you sleep better. Actually, I sleep better, too. I mean being able to sleep at all is definitely a huge improvement - after a few moments of silence, he added teasingly - Now come on, sleep with me!

Rey blushed, but it was too dark to be noticeable, and she was grinning:  
\- You know that I hate you, right?

\- I don't think you do, I think you love me!

\- That's right actually, I love you.

\- I love you, too.

It was not a love confession, but they weren't lightly said words either. It was a beautiful acknowledgement of their bond, their connection and the fact that it seemed they finally figured out this dyad thing, they were on the same side of the force and it was all well.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, here we are at the end. It just felt to be the right ending. I wanted to be true to the characters and really figure out what could have happened.  
> 


End file.
